Fancy This?

I’m in a terrible mood today, but my spirits have been lifted slightly because I just remembered that I’m wearing a brand new pair of fancy underpants.

I was at my Grandma’s visitation. It was an open-casket viewing. I tentatively approached her body and glanced down at her. She looked so very alive- almost as if she was sleeping. I slowly reached out and touched her hand. I was shocked at how warm it felt. Suddenly, her hand enveloped my own. Her eyes popped open and we stared at each other for a few seconds. Then the casket quaked as she began laughing hysterically. I was in shock. The only thing I was able to say was “GRANDMA- WHAT THE HELL?!”

She wiped tears from her eyes as she calmed down from laughing. “Oh my goodness, sweetie! The look on your face made it all worth it! I’ve been working on this joke for ten whole years! Oh I just love a good little prank.” I gawked as she hopped out of the casket and gave me a hug. “Mandy, you’re too much fun! Now where’s your mother? She’s going to be so surprised!”

I stood there and watched her walk out of the room. My only thought was “Well, I guess I don’t need to be at the funeral home anymore.” So I walked outside to where I hopped on a moped and drove right down the road to sit down in the studio and watch a live taping of 30 Rock, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

The end.

I’d like to give a shout-out to Basco Shower Doors for their innovative work in manufacturing a sturdy shower door that was perfectly designed for emotional breakdowns.